Dear Jimmy,
I just had one of the most interesting conversations over coffee that I’ve had for a long time. I still can’t figure out if it was just meeting up between two friends or an actual date. Nonetheless I enjoyed myself completely.
The conversation was that good that we left, still talking, and only realising about twenty minutes later that we had forgotten to pay.
Go us!
Rose
Dear Jimmy.
I am quite in love with my mind. It is a brilliant box that holds many thoughts, secrets and memories.There is a part of it though that I hate. There is one part of it that antagonises me, keeps me awake at night, prevents me from thinking outside it. Its the uncertainties it…
I hope this isn’t weird. When I first read your blog, I got to this post and found myself answering some of the questions you posed as I read it. Also, I felt like they were kind of relevant to my life. So uh, here they are :P
What are friends?
Wikipedia defines friendship as:
“a relationship of mutual affection between two or more people.” And notes that “friendship is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an acquaintanceship.”
The Free Dictionary describes a friend as:
“A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade. One who supports, sympathises with, or patronises a group, cause, or movement: friends of the clean air movement. Friend A member of the Society of Friends; a Quaker.”
The Free Dictionary also notes:
“A friend is a lover, literally. The relationship between Latin amcus “friend” and am “I love” is clear, as is the relationship between Greek philos “friend” and phile “I love.” In English, though, we have to go back a millennium before we see the verb related to friend. At that time, frond, the Old English word for “friend,” was simply the present participle of the verb fron, “to love.” The Germanic root behind this verb is *fr-, which meant “to like, love, be friendly to.” Closely linked to these concepts is that of “peace,” and in fact Germanic made a noun from this root, *frithu-, meaning exactly that.”
Finally, the epitome of modern linguistics, Urban Dictionary states that a real friend is someone you can fart in front of and that ‘friends are nice’.
Why am I thinking of having children at this point of my life?
BECAUSE BABIES ARE LOVELY and one day it might be nice to make your own little person and you’re allowed to think about whatever you please.
Am I overbearing?
o·ver·bear·ing
ōvərˈbe(ə)riNG
Adjective: Unpleasantly or arrogantly domineering.
Synonyms: imperious - masterful - domineering - arrogant - haughty
No. You are passionate and bubbly and thoughtful.
Can I call someone without it being weird? Do I wait for the right opportunity, that opportunity that I’ve so perfectly choreographed in my head?
Yes, do it, and no, do not wait. Take a risk. It might not work out, but even knowing that it wasn’t supposed to work out is worth taking the risk. Taking risks is freedom.
Is there such things as a perfect opportunity?
No. A million times no.
Should I just wing it?
Always. Everyone else is.
Does he like me? Do I like him?
Find out.
What does my cat really think about me?
When cats sit with their back perfectly curved and their feet tucked in tight and their eyes gently closed, they are meditating on how they would like to tear off our faces as we sleep.
Can I actually write?
Never. Stop. Writing.
Should I stay out late?
Only if you don’t want to be snuggled up in bed with a book and a cup of tea.
Should I drink more?
Do I swear too much? Should i swear more?
Be you. Be not afraid of judgement.
Do I have any control of my life?
Well, it depends which philosophical and/or psychological and/or neurobiological theory you subscribe to.
How much do other people control my life?
As much as you let them.
Why am I wasting my time with hypothetical situations? Why am I wasting my life with hypothetical situations?
Blame your prefrontal cortex.
Kate you are truly an amazing person! This was so lovely to read. Thank you so much! You have always been someone that I’ve looked up to, because you are such an intelligent, beautiful, creative person and everything you have written here means the world to me.
Thank you so much!
Made my day!
Rose
P.s good luck with the assignment!
Dear Jimmy,
To alleviate stress follow these easy steps:
1.Wash the dishes,*
2.LOUD MUSIC,
3.pj’s,
4.friends,
5. wacky dance moves.
It works wonders.
*washing the dishes is not completely necessary, but if you’re in the kitchen, you might as well do something to justify why you’re dancing in the kitchen.
Rose
Dear Jimmy,
I have an essay due tomorrow. And guess what? It’s not finished. Not surprising seeing as I love to procrastinate. Well, depends on the procrastination. I like when it is somewhat useful procrastination. Like going for a bike ride, cleaning the bathroom, reading. Sure it doesn’t directly help with the essay writing, but I feel like it helps in some way or another.
So anyway, I have declared that I need 1500/2000 written before my mum arrives. I am currently on 1200 words, meaning that I only have 300 more of my goal to go. And you know, I think I can do it.I don’t know about the quality of the writing. But 300 words will get done before eleven. Hopefully.
Mum is coming down to visit for lunch. Which is great seeing as I miss her and I get to show off my non-moonbooted foot to her. “Look Ma! I can walk like a normal person again!” But seriously, I am really looking forward to seeing her. I need a mother cuddle.
Early this morning I ended up on facebook. Which is a normal occurrence in the course of procrasintation/studying. And I ended up facebook stalking old photos of myself because I just kept clicking and ended up on a photo from January. The photo is after Woodford, at the beach and I am standing with my back to the camera. and I really like this photo, mainly because you can see my old scar but only slightly. It looks like a blur, nothing more nothing less. It’s healing. And I’m happy that it is healing and fading.
And that’s what is currently going through my mind, my scar is fading and my foot is healing. My mum will be here at midday and the fact that I’ve been up since 6 am writing words that probably don’t make sense.
And as I drink tea that has almost gone cold, and the spoon hits my glasses as I sip because I can’t be bothered taking it out, I think to myself: nothing that I have written just now, will make any sense to anyone but me.
I guess the conclusion I can take from this is that I should stop procrasta-blogging and get back to my essay. those 300 words aren’t going to magically appear!
Rose
A cat I met today on my first bike ride in 2 months. I missed riding.
Wesleyan University - “We Made It”
“The past was once true, and the future may be at one point, but as of now? They’re both imaginary.”
One of the most original and uplifting group pieces we saw last week at CUPSI. Zach Goldberg, Evan Okun, and Lily Myers of Wesleyan performing during semifinals.
Dear Jimmy,
Do you ever feel pathetic. Like absolutely pathetic. Not in a “I’m rubbish at this, I should put my energy into something else.” As in a “I’m absolutely rubbish at this, something that I truly love doing, something that my passion should be driving me to succeed in, and I’m not doing as well as I should be, maybe I’m not cut out for this. If I’m doing so poorly at this task, a task that is driven by my passions, what else is there? Does this mean that I should subject myself to something mundane, I should become a clog in a piece of machinery to be useful in the big bad world that is out there? What if I suck at being a mundane clog?”
Well, I’m currently feeling like that.
I remember in my first year that I was considering dropping out of university. And I sometimes wonder, why do I stay? I feel like I work so hard to get such mediocre results.
I wrote that last night but didn’t have the heart to publish it. I slept on the idea of this post though and I began to focus on not why do I stay but why do I feel like I am failing? And I discovered it has something to do with my short attention span, my nerves and the internet.
Sure, I can’t blame the internet for my grades. But it does have definite impact on my studies. And I think I have the reason as to why.
Because when I click on the facebook homepage, tumblr, youtube, imgur, reddit it’s like I’m telling my brain “hey, have somewhat of a break” and so I ditch the Ancient Greek and the History text books for some light reading. And I enjoy this relaxation. I enjoy it so much that it is my go to when I’m stressed about an assignment. But the thing is, when I decide to get back to work, the stress has not left. In fact it has heightened. It’s like it was waiting for me.
So I sit on a website for a little longer to prevent the stress that will soon hit me. and then it becomes a never ending cycle. Because the work will pile up, and I’ll get stressed and I’ll procrastinate to hide the stress and then the stress will grow. And I would have spent more time on an assignment than need be, but it is time that I’m sitting in front of my computer facebook stalking people from highschool whose lives I have actually no bloody interesting in. Rather than focusing my attention on a topic that I am interested in, the things I’m at uni studying.
And then I thought about it, this is a problem only because I allow it to be. I do have agency. I don’t have to check my emails, blog, facebook page every hour. No one is making me do this. No one will be upset if I don’t. People will understand. The only person that doesn’t seem to understand is myself.
So, the original post “Sometimes I wonder why I stay.” was in relation to university. But the title now refers to procrastination, to self- sabotage, to the nasty spiral that I have some how managed to get myself sucked into.
Because there is only one thing getting in my way of becoming a “mundane clog” and that is my attitude and my actions.
Rose
Thank you! I’m glad that there are others out there who also love dancing, talking, hugging and writing. I plan to never stop doing these things. Hopefully you won’t either.
That’s right,
No more moonboot. mwhahahahahahaha!
Mum: I had a lovely day! All in all 100% successful trip.
Me: but Sir, we lost Rimmer.
Mum: all in all 100% successful trip.
I love referring to Red Dwarf with my mummy.
